Hello, It’s been a while since my last blog article, this one deals with betrayal trauma. You may have wondered what happened to my writing? Well, I have been incubating new ideas and birthing a office in Seattle. Therapists are also human and go through life the same as anyone else. I have experienced challenges and blessings since my last article. Close family members have passed on to the next life, my first grand baby was born, relationship challenges have been exposed, and I have learned. One thing I know to be true is that Life is ever changing. Although change is dreadfully hard, I have learned to welcome these changes. I would not be who I am were it not for the struggles and blessings I have experienced throughout my life. People come and go and I learn more about myself and how I relate to others. Is it like that for you too?
Weight of Hurt
Betrayal Trauma can be so deep and heavy that you cant get out of bed and meet your daily life tasks.. One of the things I have learned is that under the smile of most people is a pain so deep that most bury it and cover it up with addictions. Many use Compulsive obsessive attempts to bury and rid themselves of the pain they don’t want to feel. Addictions like drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, all give a temporary relief to the depth of pain people carry with them day to day. Then the familiar ache begins as soon as the high of the addictive substance dissipates. Many describe this pain as a backpack full of heavy bricks they are choosing to carry around. Looking at the bricks and tossing them seems like a foreign idea. As the bricks make up the persons identity. How long do you want to carry around your bricks? Are you attached to them? What meaning do the bricks give to your life? Would you like to be able to release them?
Self Protective Coping
Denial brings a self-protective coping. Some people are not even aware of their pain. They lash out at others with blame and cause a trail of hurt where ever they go. If you have been impacted by another person’s pain and been harmed there is hope for you. If you are a partner with someone who is in denial, what are you in denial about? What are you telling yourself about the abusers’ behavior? Oh, all people blame and gaslight or all relationships are like this. Those statements are lies we tell ourselves to keep us safe, or better yet, keeping us from feeling fear. In reality, protecting us from feeling fear actually keeps you in an unsafe relationship.
You can learn the skills needed to take care of your emotional self. To focus on the pain and let it teach you what you need to learn. It is a solo journey, and with the help of a good guide, it can be a life-altering. The guide doesn’t tell you what to do, rather they listen and point to directions you can choose to go. Each direction will have its own positive and negative consequences. You have many choices only you can choose. It is your life and your consequences, no one else to blame.
Recovery From Betrayal
Betrayal feels crappy. Let’s face it, it makes you want to shout obscenities and destroy possessions. Some just think about it and others act on these feelings. I don’t recommend acting on these feelings due to the potential to get into trouble for your actions. Remember Elan when she took the golf club to Tiger’s car? Thankfully Tiger didn’t press charges. Recovery from past hurts and betrayals requires an openness, a willingness to go there. To feel your feelings in the present moment. A willingness to be a hot mess and discover what you are made of.
You were born to be fabulous darling. Unlearning the hurts of the past will lead to the integration of all of who you are. Meaning that you will discover the beauty and vivaciousness of who you really are. Healing and Joy will be yours, and you will find out that you are ok just as you are. If you would like to heal and awaken to who you really are, then call for an appointment today and let’s discover together the Beauty that is within you.
Teresa Maples Zuvela is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, & Certified EMDR Therapist, who works with sex addicts and their partners to encourage healing and develop relational health for individuals and couples. For more information and to make an appointment go to www.woodlandpathways.com