When Porn Goes From A Hobby To A Problem
Posted: October 8, 2013
With easy access to the Internet, porn is just one click away. Research has shown that most men (over95%) have viewed porn at some time in their lives. The porn industry has been the number one income producing industry in the country for quite some time. There are many reasons for that; the main one is that the porn industry exploits those people who are obsessively compelled to search for new and novel stimulating images. The line where porn becomes a problem is different for each person. It is a personal and a relational issue.
While some people can use porn with a real life partner to stimulate desire, sexuality, and play, others use it as a way to isolate and be in control of their sexuality, and desire. Often they feel fearful of not knowing how to meet their partner's needs. Some people even avoid sex altogether with real people due to their hopelessness of a real person ever meeting their sexual needs like porn offers them.
What human beings desire at the deepest level is to belong. To have people who care about them and in turn who they care about. In generations past, humans lived in tribes, or communities, that provided life long relationships that provided support and belonging during our best times and our worst times. These relationships sustained each individual through life's difficulties and blessings. For the most part we don't have that now. Most people are isolated in their homes, and in front of a computer screen.
For instance, today many families are sitting in the same room together, texting each other or people not in the room. That passes as quality time together. Humans actually need eye contact and touch as part of their basic human needs. The Internet provides an escape from the pressure of relating with a real person. Now add the element of porn into the picture, and the user gets a dopamine hit from viewing a porn image. The brain's reward system is stimulated, the person feels instantly better for a few minutes. If the same person tried to interact with a real person, that person may be in a bad mood, or have a negative response to the porn viewer. The porn viewer's brain is reinforced that people are dangerous and unpredictable and should be avoided, so they return to the predictability of porn viewing.
Predictability of having sexual stimulation with porn is at the viewer's control. Needs of other human beings are not considered or valued. People become an obstacle to viewing porn and obtaining predictable sexual stimulation. Many problem porn viewers will reject real women preferring their predictable self stimulation with porn.
Porn as a Hobby is like anything, use it in moderation, and only if it feels healthy to you and your partner.
Where Porn Viewing Becomes A Problem
- You feel compulsive about viewing porn
- If your partner says no, no means no and that means it is a problem.
- You neglect meeting with real people to view porn
- You have tried to stop but keep going back to it
- You have feelings of guilt and shame after viewing porn
- You spend multiple hours a day viewing porn, neglecting healthy behaviors such as exercise, eating healthy meals, socializing, hobbies, etc.
- Porn use is affecting your job performance
- Porn use is negatively affecting your marriage or intimate partnership.
- You have or are thinking about harming your self in some way; broken skin integrity through cutting or rubbing, or suicidal feelings.
- You use porn when feeling bored, anxious, or stressed to numb out your feelings.
- You become angry when you have to wait to get to get to the porn images.
- Recovering sex addicts are encouraged to stay away from any porn use if it is part of their addiction cycle.